Getting the Good Seat

James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came forward to him and said to him, “Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.” And he said to them, “What is it that you want me to do for you?” And they said to him, “Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.” But Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you are asking.”
Mark 10:35-38


I have always pictured James and John as big men. Maybe it is because of their fathers name, Zebedee. And they were called the Sons of Thunder, so they must have been powerful, the kind of men that make the earth shake when they walk. You can always hear them coming.

They were also ambitious, those brothers. They wanted to be the favorites, to sit in the places of highest honor when Jesus became King. Of course, they were anticipating an earthly kingship, and they could not wait to sit at his right and at his left for the kingly feast.

When they first approach Jesus with their ambitious desire, they attempt to play a trick on him. “Teacher, we want you to do whatever we ask of you.” How straightforwardly aggressive and how conniving! But Jesus will not be manipulated. He is so sharp! Despite exhaustion, constant travel, crowds, demands, Jesus does not skip a beat. He does not agree to do whatever they ask. He merely responds with his own question: “What is it that you want me to do for you?”

Seeing that Jesus cannot be tricked, they come out with it.

"We want to sit at your right hand and at your left in your glory."

Of course they do, wouldn’t we all?

Jesus does not get angry at their selfishness. He merely clarifies that they don’t know what they are asking. And he is right. They don’t have a clue.

When the disciples find out what James and John have requested, they are furious. Behaving exactly like a family, the disciples all secretly want to be the favorite. They all vie for attention from Jesus and all of them want to be first in line to be with him in his glory. The disciples are just like the rest of us, competitive and hungry for love.

What fascinates me is Jesus’ response: “You do not know what you are asking.” For years, I took this to mean that James and John were not able to follow in his footsteps, to complete the sacrifice that he would make. But I think that Jesus was saying more than just that. It is possible that he was also alluding to one of the mysteries of the Kingdom of Heaven.

You see, I do not believe that God has the same limitations that we do. Human beings can be intimate with two, maybe up to four people. We do not have the time, nor the emotional energy to make ourselves deeply aware of more that a few human companions. It is simply not possible.

But God does not have limitations when it comes to intimacy. In a metaphorical sense, God has more than one right hand and more than one left hand. The notion of competition, which pulses through all of creation from the lowest animals to the human race, does not exist in God. The Triune God is capable of holding each one of us in the most beloved position simultaneously.

Jesus goes on to teach James, John, and the disciples, that the way to come to God is to be last, to give up the good seat, to get your self out of the way. In a spectacularly paradoxical way, to be great means to get out of the race.

But getting our selves out of the way can be the hardest thing in the world to do. It goes against human nature to give up our seat at the table. The only way to learn this new way is to begin to listen to God and to give things away. The way of the cross is truly something that we do not understand, but we can take baby steps in that direction, trying to get ourselves off center stage. For that is the only way to the Kingdom of God.

Leaving Us

Ascension Day is a strange Holiday. Why do we celebrate the day that Jesus left us? Frankly, I would rather if he had stayed. I would prefer for him to continue to appear as he did after the resurrection, just pop in and help out in difficult situations, like Aslan in the Chronicles of Narnia.

Why did he have to leave so publicly and for such a long time? I don’t know why we celebrate saying goodbye.

I do not think that a person can understand the Ascension without understanding the difference between love and attachment.

Attachment would have us hold on to one another. Attachment would have a mother protect her children so much that they never were taught how to be self-sufficient. A spouse who is attached would not let his wife pay the bills, pump the gas, because he likes it that she needs him. Attachment would have us pretend that we never have to leave one another.

But love prepares us for eventual departure. No one can stay forever with another person. We will all be parted at least by death. But love talks honestly about this fact. Love prepares us for separation. Love lets a child grow up to care for itself as a responsible adult. Love forces a spouse to teach his wife how to take care of herself, in case anything should happen and she is left alone.

My son Max is taking swimming lessons. He started when he was two. At first the teacher just held him in the water, until he relaxed and trusted his teacher. Then the teacher let go a little, supporting Max under his shoulder blades so that he learned to float. Then he taught Max to hold his breath under water and to pull himself out of the pool. And little by little, he let go, until Max was swimming.

Jesus knew that it was time to let go of us. It was time for us to try living on our own. He thought that we could handle life without his physical presence. He thought that we were ready. And so he left us physically, bodily, in front of lots of people, so that there could be no doubt that he was saying good-bye.

Right after college, I saw the most wonderful therapist. He would listen so well, say the most thoughtful things. The only thing that made me mad was when he said, “Time’s up.” After 50 minutes, no matter if I was in the midst of the most life-changing thought, he would end our session. I wanted him to be willing to go on for an extra five or ten minutes! What was the big deal about the time? It seemed so abrupt to me, so cold.

But over the months, I began to realize that this time with him was sacred partially because it was limited. I knew that I had his undivided attention for 50 minutes. And I knew that after that time was up, I would have to leave.

After one year, he said that he thought our work was complete. That made me mad too! After all, he was suggesting that I leave him. I didn’t want to go.

But he was right. I was growing up. It was time to leave. I don't know if I would have valued what I learned nearly as much if I had been allowed to see him forever.

Jesus left us. He left us for heaven. All of us will have to leave this life after all. He was showing us how it must be done, with honesty and love. And now we know that he waits for us out there, at our true home.

Measuring God

The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!”
The Lord replied, “If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.

Luke 17:5-6

Why is it that human beings always want more? If we hadn’t wanted more, we might not have taken that forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden…If we hadn’t wanted more, we might not have fallen from God. And even after that fatal mistake, we still want more. Just look at the latest advertisements, our entire American culture is built on the premise that we want more, that we need more, that more is better and better is more. If only we could say when enough is enough. If only we were satisfied. If only we knew how to be thankful with what God has given us.

The disciples wanted more. More faith. But they had no idea what they were

talking about. There is no such thing as more faith. Faith is something that you cannot measure.

I have a friend whose daughter died while he was in Seminary. She was five years old. She died of leukemia. And people would come up to him and say, “Thank God for your faith.” Or they would say, “Just hold on to your faith.” And he had no idea what they were talking about. Was he supposed to own something that would make this blackness better? Was he supposed to lean on this thing called faith? If it was something to possess or to lean on, then he must be missing it. Because all he felt was despair.

When the disciples ask for more faith, Jesus gives them a strange answer. If you had faith as tiny as a mustard seed (you know how small those seeds are, they blow away with the wind), you could make a tree jump in the water. You do not know what you are asking. You do not know what faith is.

If faith can make trees jump in the water, it must be God. Because only God can do things like that. Nothing that a person could create or own or hold onto could make a tree jump in the water. Jesus must have been talking about God. Faith must be none other than God inside of us.

Maybe that’s what it is, faith. Maybe it is, quite simply, the Holy Spirit that lives inside of us. That glimmer of mystery that yearns to return to God, that sliver of hope that nudges us, calls us, presses us to be better people, to seek heaven itself.

My friend Brad tried to hold onto his faith when his daughter died, but that didn’t seem to work for him. After a year of trying, he gave up and let the darkness come. He missed his little girl so much. The worst pain came when he thought of how she would never experience so much of live, her first kiss, her prom, her wedding, children. When he thought of all that she was deprived of in death, his despair seemed to swallow him whole.

But when he stopped trying so hard to have faith, something else came with the darkness. He had a dream. In the dream, Jesus took his little girl by the hand and together they experienced everything. She had her first kiss, she got married, she had children, she did everything. And when he woke up, Brad knew that she was alive with God, really alive, and experiencing all that is life and love. He knew that she was alive.

This thing called faith cannot be measured. We cannot make it increase or decrease because it does not come from us. It is a gift, a portion of God that lives in us, something completely mysterious and unfathomable. It is nothing short of God within us.