Reaching out to Your Loved ones who Have Died

Charles Cowherd is a Seminarian at Virginia Theological Seminary in Alexandria, Virginia.  Charles had a twin brother who served in the army: 2^nd Lt Leonard M. Cowherd III. In 2004, Charles’ twin brother was killed in Iraq. His body is buried in the Arlington National Cemetery and his twin goes by there often just to be close to him.

What is it like when your twin dies?  Charles says that it is like having a limb amputated but worse.  Half of yourself is gone and you are convinced that it is the better half. Charles’ grief and his longing to find out what happens after you die led him deep into the Christian tradition and eventually to Seminary to become a priest.

Charles wrote, “His death weighs on me daily.  I will never be truly whole again.”

Almost all of you have experienced that pain that we call grief.  It is real.  The people that we love will die.  We will die.  And we should not be afraid to talk about them.  We should not be ashamed to speak their names.

I will never forget, when I was a Seminarian here at the Cathedral, a woman’s 22 year old son was killed in a car accident.  One month after the funeral, I took her out to lunch.  She had on dark glasses.  I asked her to tell me about her son, John and she burst into tears. 

“No one wants to talk about him! They try to remind me of other things, as if by mentioning him they will be bringing up painful memories but don’t they know that he is all that I think about!  Thank you for saying his name…”

When someone we love dies, they leave a great big hole.  And we are afraid, so afraid that this is the end.  We are so afraid that we will never see them again.  We are afraid that our relationship with them is over and we are ashamed of how much this hurts.  It is impossible to describe the waves of grief that crash upon a person.  The waves of this frightening truth: that the one we love is gone and will never come back.

But we are believers.  We are people who follow Jesus.  We believe that death is not the end. We believe that when we baptize a child, that child becomes part of God.  That child is welcomed into life eternal.  Given eternal life! A bridge is built to heaven itself when that water touches the forehead of a child. A bridge to heaven.

The communion of saints is the name that the church gives for everyone who we love who has died.  Those people who will be standing there when you get to heaven, standing with a huge sign that says WELCOME HOME!  The ones who will run to you with their arms out.  "Finally!  At last!  You made it!" they will cry out.  Our loved ones are alive in God.  And if you truly believe that, then we must and should not only speak their names but communicate with them.

That sound spooky doesn’t it?  Talking to the dead?  But it is not spooky at all, it is spiritual.  As believers, we must embrace the mystery of God and accept the fact that there is so much we do not understand.

Here is a Christian perspective on death….

When someone that you love moves far away, that person does not stop being your mother, or brother or best friend.  Your relationship does not end, it just changes.  If you truly love them, and if you make the effort, the relationship continues.  What happens is that you are forced to use new forms of communication: you go on Facebook,  you send an email or text, you learn to Facetime and Skype. The relationship with your loved one is not over, it just changes. They are still your best friend or mother or brother.  There is never a doubt about your love for them.  You just need to learn to communicate differently.

When someone dies, the relationship does not fundamentally change.  Death is just a new kind of distance, a new kind of being.  And if you want to stay in relationship with those who have died, you can. All you need to do is learn how to communicate.

My good friend Jody Giles is writing a brilliant book. It is called Missing Pieces.  It is about how you can begin to communicate with those you love now so that they will hear from you after you die.  In the book, she recommends that you begin thinking about and writing down all of your precious belongings and giving them as intentional gifts when you die.  Your physical things can become pieces of a love letter that you send to everyone you love after your death. You can write notes to accompany your gifts. Not just your money but every single thing you own can become part of the masterpiece that you leave behind to communicate your thanksgiving for those causes and people that you love. For example, you can give a friend your grandmothers lamp because that friend as been a light in your life…

But what do we do when we are the ones left behind? How can we communicate with the people we love who have gone on to God? You can start by simply saying the name of the one you love.  Speak that name with pride and courage! And yes, talk to them.  They can hear you in the same way that God hears you.  They are now part of the communion of saints, the community of heaven.  Just like you can pray to God, you can pray with them and for them.  But you must make the effort and you must be willing to listen.  Live in prayer, open yourself to the possibility that your loved one may be listening. Their love for you is not always obvious but you will experience it with patience and time.

Our culture tells us to keep quiet, move on, get on with life after someone we love has died.  No, we say. No, I am a believer.  I will speak the name of the one that I love who has died.  I will speak their name with courage and hope.  I am not ashamed to pray and listen for the ongoing love of the communion of saints.

Mercy

When I was seventeen years old, I took the train to my godfather’s house.  He lived just up the Hudson River from New York City.  He was a deeply religious man, a Russian Orthodox Christian.  He had a PhD in world religions.  I admired him a lot.  He promised to teach me how to pray.

As part of his studies, my godfather had taken a long retreat and lived with some Greek Orthodox monks on Mt Athos.  I don’t know how long he stayed with them but from them, he learned a prayer that he wanted to give to me.  I don’t remember the specific moment when he taught me the words. They are in Greek.  But I remember that he told me to repeat them all the time, whenever I could think of it.  “Eventually it will become like a wheel that turns on its own, the words, they will almost pray themselves,” he said. These are the words that he taught me,

            Kyrie, Jesu Christe, Eleison Me

These words come directly from a parable that Jesus used to explain about God’s mercy. In the parable, a Pharisee and a tax collector go to the temple to pray. The Pharisee is confident in his devotional practices.  He fasts, he gives alms, he prays.  So he basically tells God that he is thankful that he is so great!  He stands proud and confident before God, certain of his salvation.

The tax collector, on the other hand, stands at the back of the temple.  He knew that he had been betraying his fellow Jews by collecting taxes for Rome.  Some tax collectors were known for taking some of the money for themselves as well. This tax collector was keenly aware of his mistakes and he stood in the back of the temple and asked God for mercy.  He said, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”  It was his prayer that was heard by God.

By the third century, the words of the tax collector would be used by Christians to pray what they called The Jesus Prayer. The Jesus Prayer is said to purify the heart and draw the mind to God. 

I remember taking the train home and repeating the prayer in my mind… Kyrie Jesu Christe Eleison Me.

I trusted my godfather but, to be honest, I was uncomfortable with the Jesus Prayer.  Why did I have to ask for mercy?  What had I done wrong?  I was a young woman struggling to find God.  Was I really so bad that I had to beg God for mercy every chance that I got?  I was grateful that the words were in Greek because they made me so uncomfortable.  I kept saying them because I loved and respected my godfather but I had no clue what they really meant.

It took me years to begin to understand what it means to ask God for mercy. I still don’t fully understand but I would like to share with you what has come to me.

You see, when I was young, I was just being a normal American. Americans begin with the idea that we are good and capable. We believe that we can make our lives into what we want.  We can earn money, learn subjects, get food when we need it.  We are self-sufficient and we have a confidence that is one of our best qualities in many ways.  It makes us a great nation.  But it is also a lie.

We believe that we can survive on our own, make our lives better, change our destinies.  And we do have capabilities and intelligence and even wealth.  But the truth is that we cannot do anything without God. The truth is that we are incomplete without God.

We think that asking for God’s mercy means that we have done something wrong, that we are bad.  We think that when we say I am a sinner, we are saying I am a jerk or I am bad or stupid.  But that is not it at all.  The bad things that the tax collector did served to open his eyes to the fact that he needed God.  He became aware that he was incomplete.  The Pharisee had led a life of obedience to God but as a result, he was not aware of his helplessness.  He thought that he would come to God out of his own effort, that he did it, that he basically saved himself.  And he was proud of himself for doing everything right meanwhile, he did not understand what it means to be human. The Pharisee did not understand about the mercy of God because he didn’t really think that he needed God.

There is a gap, a hole in every human being.  There is a piece that is missing and that is why we are so hungry for love, for acceptance, to be respected.  We are searching for that one thing that will make us complete. Some people think that it is romantic love or money or power but none of these things fill the emptiness.  We have a part of us that only God can fill, a hole, an emptiness that can be filled only by our Maker.

Asking for mercy is nothing more than asking for God to fill in the gaps.  But in order to be comfortable asking for God’s mercy, you need to be willing to admit that you have something missing, that you are not perfect.  You need to be aware of your faults, shortcomings and of the fact that only God can help you. That is why Jesus tells us that the poor are blessed, or people who are grieving.  I would add that the very old often are blessed, or the sick.  The reason why these challenges are blessings is because they serve to wake us up to the fact that we need God’s help.

Some of the most devout church goers are alcoholics.  Do you know why?  Alcoholics who have struggled to attain sobriety are aware that they need God. It is not a matter of convenience, whether or not they come to church, they know that they have to come. Because God keeps them well.  They know that they have to attend AA meetings and they have to give generously to the church.  It is necessary for their health and salvation.

God gives us mercy and what is mercy like?  I have come to realize that mercy is like air.  We cannot really live without it.  Mercy is God’s love and favor that is given to us not because we earn it or deserve it but because God adores us.  Mercy is something that keeps us alive and well.  Mercy fills in our gaps. It completes us.

Maybe it takes growing older to begin to understand that my body will not always work right no matter what I eat and how much I exercise.  Maybe it takes living with another human being in marriage to realize that I have faults that will never really go away, no matter how hard I try.  I need JD to sometimes just accept me, faults and all.  And I need God to accept me to, just as I am.  I need God’s mercy.

Maybe the best translation today for the Jesus Prayer is simply this… “Lord, I need your help.” Or perhaps these words, “Lord Jesus, complete me.”

Don’t you need God’s help with almost everything?  God gives us air to breathe, water to drink, friendship, work, food clothing.  Without God’s help, I could not walk or talk or even breathe.  God, I need your help. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.  Jesus, you complete me.

Jesus had to hang powerless on a cross in order to become the one who rose from the dead.  You and I must admit our powerlessness.  We must admit that we can do nothing without God.  The word humility comes from the same root as the word for human.  Humility is simply realizing that you are human and God is God.  Mercy is a gift to us from the one who has everything, the One who holds eternity, the One who breathes life into us.  There but for the grace of God go I.

Kyrie Jesu Christe Eleison Me.

Close the Gap

I have to admit that I am terrified of the parable about the rich man and Lazarus the beggar.  When you really think about it, it is terrifying. 

A rich man ate well and dressed in fine clothes. Well, he didn’t just eat well, he feasted every day and he didn’t just wear nice clothes, he wore purple and fine linen.  Purple was the color of royalty and linen, so light and beautiful, was one of the most expensive fabrics in Israel. Meanwhile outside the rich man’s house, a poor man named Lazarus lay there dying. He was not only poor and hungry but he had sores. And the dogs came and licked his sores. He was degraded to lower than a dog.  He lay in the dirt.  And the poor man has a name, Lazarus. And the rich man does not.

Both men die and Jesus paints a vivid picture of what happens next.  Lazarus is taken to heaven by angels where he sits with Abraham. The rich man just ends up in Hades and we don’t really know how he got there.  But what we do know is that he is very hot. There is fire all around him and it torments him. Worse still, the rich man can see Lazarus and Abraham in the comforts of heaven. He can see them but he can’t get to them.  He must watch paradise from a seat in hell.

The rich man asks Abraham to send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool his tongue.  It is a small request.  He does not question his fate.  He does not yell and scream.  He does not ask for a way out of hell. All he asks is for a tiny bit of water, enough to moisten the tip of a finger, a tongue.  But Abraham answers by telling him about the chasm.

Abraham addresses the rich man with the word “child.” He does not seem angry or offended by the rich man, rather, it seems that he is trying to educate someone who knows next to nothing, someone like a child.

Abraham describes the gap to the rich man. “There is a great gap between heaven and hell and you can’t cross over.  No one can, not in either direction.” And this is what I find so hard to digest in this parable.  Heaven and hell are cut off from each other.  There is no redo.  Once you end up in one place or the other, that’s it.

And the rich man ends up in Hades because he did not see the man who sat on the ground right on his doorstep.  He did not see a person there.  He had a chance to make a connection that would have served as a bridge between him and Lazarus, but the gap that was there in life was even worse in death.  The rich man could simply not cross over.

The rich man failed to see Lazarus. Lazarus looked so different. He was so dirty, so ugly, so smelly.  The rich man didn’t want to see.  So he just walked on by and the distance that he created became the chasm that kept him from God. 

The distance that he created became the chasm that kept him from God.

Our relationship with one another is part of our relationship with God.  When we fail to see each other, when we allow the gap to exist, we alienate ourselves from God.

All over this country, there are riots going on in our cities. These riots have been going on periodically for decades.  White and black people are not seeing one another as human beings.  There is still so much blindness.  So little communication.  So much hatred.  And we all are suffering, all of us.

Lazarus was lying right in the path of the rich man, at the gate to his home.  He was right at his doorstep.  The rich man had to pass by Lazarus every time he left home and every time he returned. And even still, he did not see Lazarus as a human being. Day after day, he simply refused to see.

So how can we bridge the gap in this life?  What could the rich man have done to save himself from eternal torment?  The answer is simple. See Lazarus.  Enter his skin.  Learn about him.  Serve him.

God is not asking us to fix it the problems of the world or the suffering of humanity, but to see the people who are in our path as people.  To learn their names.  To see with God’s eyes and to ask ourselves, “What is God asking of me?”

This love your neighbor as yourself stuff, it’s no joke. We are being asked to close the gap.

It’s scary to see each other, to risk letting someone change our lives. But if Jesus is right, it is essential.  We cannot cross the gap to God if we haven’t crossed the gap to understand each other.

Yesterday, I was leaving the church after an emotionally-charged funeral.  I was walking to my car when a homeless woman came marching towards me swearing at the top of her lungs. She seemed to want to tell me something, but the swear words were so thick that I had to ask her to stop swearing so much simply so I could understand her.  She was carrying a children’s book wrapped in plastic, like the kind you get at a McDonalds drive through or a Chick Fil A.  When she slowed down enough, I began to understand her story.

It turns out that this woman had tried to give the children’s book to a little girl as she and her family were leaving the church after the funeral. And the little girl refused to take it.

“I had a present for her!” the woman cried. “And she didn’t want it!”

I realized that this woman, who was so loud and abrasive, had had her feelings hurt.  When I told her that it sounded like this hurt her feelings, she said, “Yeah it did!  That little girl…she broke my heart!”

And then, to my surprise, the woman thanked me for listening and walked on.  Turns out that all that she needed was simply to be heard.

Who is on your doorstep?  That person is an essential part of your story, a way for you to grow closer to God.

To close the gaps in this broken world is to grow to God in the next.  It is all so intertwined. We must see one another as human beings for the very salvation of our souls.

All About Money

There is an ancient Viking legend about a great warrior-king.  When the king came to power, he demanded that his soldiers immerse themselves in a river to show their allegiance. Every part of you that the water touches belongs to me, he said.  The Viking soldiers were strong, vigorous men, used to defending their families. They dutifully submerged their bodies in the cold water of the river but they held out their sword arms. Those alone remained dry, as they wanted to keep the right to defend themselves and their families should the need arise.

That is what Americans do with our wallets.  We submerge ourselves in the waters of baptism and give our lives to God, but we hold out our wallets. You can have all of me, God, but just not my money, we say.  I will pay my dues.  But my money does not belong to you, God.  In fact, I just don’t want to talk about it.  I want to live my life with prayer, service and maybe paying my dues to the church or charity and that’s it.  I don’t want to actually reflect on what money means to me or what I am doing with it in the rest of my life.  That part must remain separate.  My financial life has nothing to do with God.

But really, the opposite is true.  Your relationship with money, no matter how much you have or don’t have, is important.  You cannot separate your financial life from your prayer life.  They are interrelated. Your relationship with money effects not only yourself but the people around you. Money is a tool for the building of the kingdom of God.  It is not to be worshipped, or adored.  It is a moving thing. Money is incredibly important in the spiritual life.

When John the Baptist was asked how people should get ready for the Messiah, he told them to give away their stuff.  There is no denying the importance of money and belongings in Scripture.  Jesus talks about money more than he talks about prayer.  But when it comes to our faith, we don’t want to think of money as a part of it.  We just want to pay our pledge and move on to prayer.

When I preach about money, I can see people react. It is like nothing else.  People assume what this is really about is that I want you all to give so that the church can pay its bills but I have to talk about money because Jesus did.  I have to talk about it because it is such an important part of your life as a Christian. And I don’t even think many of us know what money really is.

Deep in the Amazon rain forest, there is an indigenous tribe called the Achuar.  For thousands of years, they have lived without money.  Generations grew up, worked, built homes, raised families and maintained communities, all without any concept of money.  They lived off the land.  When a couple got married, the village built them a hut. When a hunter killed a wild boar, the whole village ate.  Life was mostly focused on events of nature.  There was no concept of currency at all.

Chumpi was 26 when missionaries came to his village and changed everything.  Having seen other tribes devastated, they instructed the Achuar to send one of their smartest young adults to America to learn.  Chumpi was selected and he moved from the Amazon rain forest to the United States of America where he lived with a missionary family and went to school.

Chumpi learned that the land on which his village sat was worth a lot of money.  He learned that there were many different plants on the land in the rain forest that had yet to be discovered.  Many of them could have medicinal qualities. His tribe was offered a large sum of money for the land.  But he also learned that if his village sold that land, the money would run through their fingers like water and it would soon be gone. Then they would be lost.  This had already happened to other tribes.  Chumpi learned that he must value money but also say no to it and learn that there were things that were more valuable than money.  He learned that his village was rich in relationships, rich in history, rich in land. If they were to hold onto their riches, they must not succumb to the temptation to sell.  Ironically, he had to advise his tribe to say no to money in order to become rich.

Picture a river.  The water moves at different paces depending on the day, on how much water is in the river.  You can ride it.  You can take people places on it.  It can create energy. It is beautiful. But if you lose control of it, you can drown in it.

Jesus tells us a parable about a manager.  He is in charge of a man’s wealth but he uses it unwisely for his own enjoyment.  He “squanders it.” This is the same word used by the prodigal son, so it probably means that he partied and ate and drank a lot. So the master finds out and prepares to fire him.  Suddenly, the manager wakes up.  He realizes that he only has a few days left as manager of the master’s wealth.  So he begins to use the money to build relationships.  He forgives debts one by one.  He is kind.  He is generous.  He serves and loves people he hardly knows so that they in turn will care for him. It is selfishly motivated but it is good.  He uses his treasure to build up relationships.

All that we have is God’s. All of it.  I know it seems like we have stuff, but we don’t.  It is like trying to cup water in your hands.  Your hand may be full of water one moment but believe me, it will slip away.  You cannot hold onto any of this.  The only thing that lasts is love. So take your money and use it to love.  Love your family, provide for them.  Celebrate life. Give generously.  Don’t be afraid of not having enough or of having too much. It doesn’t matter how much you have as much as it matters what you do with it.  Build up the kingdom of God.  Harnass the power of money to build the kingdom of God.  Love at the core of your hearts and your wallets.

Reed Dearing passed away and we buried his ashes yesterday out here in the Bishop’s Garden. He gave his grandchildren some money when he died.   He told them that he would.  And this is what he said to them when he told them that he would be giving it to them.

“I want you to use this money to celebrate.  Celebrate that I am going to the King!”

Money is a tool of love, of celebration, of providing for the ones that you love and for the whole of humanity.  It is a moving river that can be harnessed for great good.  But the first step is just to wake up and become aware of it.  You are the steward of whatever God has given you.  What will you do with it?

Making Time

Carla was on an overnight train because her plane wouldn’t take off. She was trying to get to New Orleans for an audition.  Her career as an actress was taking off.  She had already landed a small role on a sit-com.  Her schedule was crazy, living in New York City.  She hardly ate and barely slept.  Her agent said that the must read for this part. She decided to take a train from New York City to New Orleans. She could catch up on email, study the script.  It would give her enough time to get everything done.

At first, she spent all her time on her iphone, texting friends, checking emails, Facebook. Then something unexplainable happened to her phone. It just started malfunctioning.  Oh, no!  I don’t have time for this! She thought.  She turned it off and when she tried to restart the phone it just was dead.  DEAD. Nothing.

What was she supposed to do for 28 more hours?  Sleep?  There was this baby across the aisle that was crying and driving her crazy so she looked over. A young man seemed to be caring for the baby and a little boy all alone. Was there a mother?  The dad looked tired. 

Carla listened to the baby cry a little longer and then tried making silly faces at the baby.  And it stopped crying, reaching out its arms to her.  “Can I hold her?” she asked the weary dad.  He seemed grateful.

Carla played with the baby, who wanted to chew on her hair.  Soon the little boy came over, curious about his sister’s new friend.  Slowly, Carla came to know the little family.  By evening, the baby and the little boy had fallen asleep and she found herself talking to this young father.  As the train rolled on through the night, he told her how his wife had been hit by a car and how he was doing the best he could and it was like a space opened up in her heart.  Her busy life was just shoved aside and she was present with this man as he opened his life to her.  And she was changed.

They fell in love that night on the train.  Years later, she would tell her children that she would never have met their father if her iPhone hadn’t died.

In Jesus’ time, the most precious commodity was food. You never knew when your next meal would be served.  Fish had to be caught. Bread made from scratch.  Even water was scarce.  So the best thing in the whole world was a wedding banquet.  The bride’s family would pull out all the stops, there would be meat, wine, bread, dates, and the feast could last for days.

When you went to a wedding banquet, the seats of honor were served food first.  So to sit in a place of honor was like a guarantee that you would get to eat.  And in a land where food was that scarce, that was a big deal.  Everyone wanted to sit up close and be served first.  And Jesus gave the radical message to his followers that instead of trying to sit in the front, they should sit in the back and maybe they would be invited up. Anticipate that those who have not yet come are more important than you are, he said.  Make room for them.  Make room for the stranger.

Eating meals today is not a big deal.  We all have food in this country.  But what we are running short of is time.  Technology is making us feel as if we do not have enough time.  So I would like to reinterpret Jesus’ parable to make it more relevant to our day. Instead of leaving space at the table for the stranger, I want you to consider making space in calendars for strangers and for the unexpected.  I want you to think of giving your time.

Do not neglect to how hospitality to strangers, says the Letter to the Hebrews, for by doing that some heave entertained angels without knowing it.  Make room for people that you do not know.  Make space for God to tell you something through people you may not have even met. You may meet someone who will change your life.  But you must have time to listen to that person, time for the unexpected. You must retain the ability and the space to listen to your life.

The word angel means messenger. Anyone can be an angel, a relative, a friend or even a stranger. Whether they know it or not, angels carry messages from God. But how can we entertain angels if we have no space in or lives, no time in which to meet them?  What if Carla’s phone had not broken?  She would have been texting and emailing and she would not have had time for the stranger across the aisle or for his children.  She would have missed out on love.

If you take up the prime seats in your life with your current job and relationships and obligations, how can God send you anything new?  If there is no space in your life for the unexpected, how can anything ever change?

In order to listen to God, we must not only give God time but we must give strangers time too.  We must let people in when we are driving, we must give our attention to someone who makes a request of us, we must try to give make room for God’s Spirit to move.  There is another word for giving up the central seat in your life, it is called listening.  Or another way of putting it is being present.

Make space for God in your lives.  Keep your eyes open to what God is saying and doing. Listen. Watch. Welcome the stranger into your life.

When I was in college, I spent a few summers working in Russian orphanages.  My home church gathered toys for the orphans that I would then take over with me.  This was before 9-11 before threats of terrorism.  My church was so generous that I filled a UHAUL with toys, gum, craft supplies and made my way to the airport with boxes upon boxes. I was so young. I didn’t realize that there is a weight limit on airplanes.  There was no way that I could take all that stuff.  So there I was, in a long line at JFL Airport in New York with boxes and boxes full of toys and no way to get them on the plane.

A group of Orthodox Jews stood in front of me.  When they learned what I was trying to do, they opened their suitcases.  A woman threw away a dress, a hairdryer. “Give me some of those toys,” she said.  A man shoved his books aside.  More suitcases opened.  Clothes were being thrown away, toiletries, shoes.  The news traveled further down the line.  “Give me a stuffed animal!  Give me more!’ “I can fit some,” said another teenaged girl.

The people on that airplane made room for those toys.  Every single toy made it to Moscow.  Because people made room.

Your life is like a suitcase.  It is full of appointments and obligations and errands. But you must take some of these things out in order to make room for God.  It is essential.  Leave space for God in your life.  In that way, you will be open to the message of the angels.

The Race

Have you ever just had one of those days? Thursday was one of those days for me.  I started the morning at 7 trying to find a baby who had been born prematurely.  I had the last name wrong of the mother and the nurse would not let me into the NICU.  Thankfully, a supervisor intervened and I was able to bless the little one.

Then traffic. And more traffic. Oh, and our internet and phone service at the church just stopped cold turkey.  It took two days for Comcast to find the problem.  Someone had put a sign in the ground and severed the chord.  Two days without internet and I was so afraid someone might be dying…Routing the office through my cell phone.

Then a man in the parish came home from the hospital only to find his 42 year old son dead on the floor.

And I am sitting in traffic and those thoughts start.

God, what did I do wrong to deserve this day? Have I messed up somehow?  Am I being taught a lesson?

Did you know that Jesus actually got stressed out?  Well, the word was larger in the ancient language of the New Testament but stressed is a decent translation…distressed, weighted down, feeling the burdens of life…

He says in the gospel “I have a baptism with which to be baptized and what stress I am under until it is completed!”

He has come to wash the world of sin and he is stressed out…under pressure, until it is done.  The chord from God to humanity was severed and he wanted to restore the communication but he was under great pressure and the pressure just kept on mounting until his life was over.

Funny isn’t it?  We Christians follow a Savior who suffered, gave away all that he had, healed the sick and ministered to people until he was dead tired, and even died on a cross for love and we say that we want to follow him.  We are baptized into his life.  But when our days go bad or things get hard, we worry that God is mad.

We are prone to thinking that difficulty and suffering are signs of God’s displeasure. That is one of the chief myths that Jesus came to dispel.  You are not struggling because God has left you.  God is WITH YOU. 

I have come not to bring peace but division, Jesus said.  Life will be hard for my followers.  Hard. Swords and conflict and houses divided.  Look at Moses.  Look at Samuel, Elijah even David.  Serving God is HARD.  It is not easier to follow Christ.  It does not make your life easier.  It makes it harder.

In his incredible novel, The Great Divorce, CS Lewis writes about people who are transitioning from Hell to Heaven.  Hell is a place of ghosts, eternal twilight and rain, where people live in imaginary homes and there is no substance or physicality to anything.  People are nothing more than their neuroses and selfish obsessions.  They are ghosts.

A bus takes a man up to heaven.  Heaven is gorgeous but there is one problem for the ghost.  To walk in heaven is painful.  The ghost needs to become solid.  Everything in heaven has substance and, for the ghost, it is as hard as diamond. The blades of grass bite into his feet. A leaf brushes his leg and bruises him. He is in pain.

But the angels tell him to continue to walk anyway.  The pain is part of making him more real, readying him for the journey to God.  He will get stronger.  The pain will lesson but he must leave his self-pity and obsessions and worries behind. He must take the path to giving his life away.

Remember the children’s book, The Velveteen Rabbit? The rabbit wants to be real but the process of becoming real is painful. It hurts.

I cannot tell you how many times people have come to the church ready to devote their lives to Christ.  And at first it’s all excitement and joy, but then they begin to suffer roadblocks. Someone in the church is rude to them.  They lose their job. Money is a problem. They don’t have a good response when they try a ministry.  And often they come to me ready to quit.

This is hard, they will say.  I must be doing it wrong. God is not answering my prayers.

But following Christ IS hard.  It just is.

Suffering is part of the race, part of the journey to God.

This world that we live in is not heaven.  It is not designed to be heaven.  God is not mad at you if you suffer.  It is part of the fabric of life.  And for those who follow Christ, the suffering is even more.  But the reward is also greater.

Run with patience the race that is set before you, writes the author of the Letter to the Hebrews.

My husband used to compete in Ironmen triathalons. The majority of the race was sheer pain and I found it hard to watch.  But people could be incredibly supportive of one another, particularly because everyone knew how hard it was.

But the best part happened at the very end.  In order to become an official Ironman, a person had to complete the race in 17 hours.  That’s 2.4 miles of swimming, 112 miles of biking and a marathon.  The cut-off time is midnight so everyone comes back to cheer on the final few who are struggling to make it across the finish line.

In Idaho, we went back to the finish line at midnight and there was this woman who had just hit a wall.  She was so tired and in so much pain that she couldn’t walk.  She was crawling, on her hands and knees, trying to get up, taking a few steps, falling and then crawling again. From a distance we saw her struggle. So we began to cheer. We screamed and pounded on the bleachers with our feet. We hoped that by the sheer force of our enthusiasm, we could carry her over the finish line.

She crawled over just in time, tears streaming down her face.  It was so hard, but she made it.

When things are difficult for you, instead of imaging that you have done something wrong and that God is angry with you or abandoning you, think of Jesus along with all the great saints of old and even the people who you love who have died and picture that they are cheering for you.  They yell even harder when things get really rough and you can hardly walk. They cheer and stomp and scream and shout.

For you.  Its all for you.

               

Essence- A Sermon Preached in the French West Indies

How does prayer work?

A lot of people come to me with this question.  I have given it a lot of thought.  I don’t have all the answers but I do have some insights to help you understand your relationship with God.

Most of us Europeans and Americans are used to a consumerist culture.  We ask, we pay, we receive.  When you go to a nice restaurant on St. Barth’s, you order…you tell the waitress or waiter what you want and they prepare the food and bring it to you.  Like the small vending machine at St. Jean that was installed just off the beach this year, we put in our order, press the button, and get what we asked for.

Most people who come to me asking about prayer come because they expected that their relationship with God would be similar to the consumer relationship.  We ask God for what we want and God gives it to us.  When I explain about waiting for the answer, that God does not work on our timetable, people understand that, but they still think that the relationship is similar to all others in their consumerist life.  They want to put in a request to God and expect God to grant that request and when things don’t work that simply they wonder…

A.     If God cares at all

B.     If God is punishing them

C.     If there is no God

But the fault lies in the understanding we have of prayer.  Prayer is not a one sided relationship where God has promised to bring us whatever we ask for.  We are not the boss of prayer.  We are not the consumer. We are not the customer. 

God does promise us that if we ask, we will receive.  But God likens us to a child asking for something that it believes it needs.  God is like the parent, wanting to make the child happy but also wanting to keep the child safe and understanding so much more than the child. In other words, God knows a lot more than we do.  A lot more.  And God will answer our prayers from an eternal perspective, not a perspective of instant gratification.

Let me say that again because it is important.  God will answer our prayers from an eternal perspective, not a perspective of instant gratification.

On Friday night, Louise and Herb Rust invited us to their villa for scrabble and ice cream.  No sane person could say no to such an invitation.  Jacob, Max, JD and I were thrilled to come. 

When we arrived, we were greeted by the most beautiful little dog.  A Pomeranian named Dasher, the tiny dog had a leg that just stuck out straight.  Louise explained to us that the dog had been abused as a puppy and had to have multiple surgeries before they adopted him.  He seemed so happy and so friendly that all of this was hard to believe.

When we went to the table to play and eat snacks and ice cream, the little dog came inside too.  Louise explained that when they first adopted Dasher, he would not come to the table when they ate. So her friend advised her to give him what she called “an essence” of food.  Just a taste, not too much for Dasher is tiny and can’t handle too much food. But a small taste, to let him know that he is safe and he is welcome.  And now, when he comes to the foot of the table, he waits patiently for his essence.

If you read the gospel carefully, after Jesus says Ask and you will receive, Seek and you will find, he says…If you who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him…

If you pray, you will receive the Holy Spirit.

If you pray, you will receive the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit is not a tame answer, it is living answer.  It is ever changing and evolving.  You could say that it is the essence of God, a taste of something much greater than anything that you can ask for.

I apologize for comparing us to dogs but when we think of our conversations with the Maker of the Universe, it is not such a bad analogy.  Like Dasher, we can’t understand very much about what’s good for us and we may ask for something that won’t do us any good at all.

How does prayer work?  It is mysterious relationship that develops between you and God when you come to God’s table again and again, asking for a wild variety of things, and God gives you His essence.  And, though we may not understand it in this life, I think one day, we will see that God gave us exactly what we needed.

Obedience to the Voice

The word stress was originally used to refer to the amount of weight that a beam or physical support could bear without breaking.  It was a term used in the field of construction. How much weight can a material bear?

Today we use the term stress to refer to mental and emotional pressure that comes when there is too much put upon us, too many activities, too much uncertainly, too many demands. 

A chair is built to be sat upon. It is designed to bear a certain amount of weight.  If it is used properly, it will last forever, but if it is overloaded, it can crack or even break. In the same way, we human beings were designed to face adversity, to bear a certain amount of challenge in this world. The problem comes when we face more weight than we can carry.

The word stress was not used in Jesus’ time.  Nevertheless, in the teachings of Jesus, there is a clear message about stress.  Jesus teaches his followers to behave in a way that completely reverses the messages of this world and results in the ability to rise above stress. Jesus intended for his followers not to operate in the same way as the people of this world. If we could only understand what he was telling us, we would no longer suffer from stress.  We would know peace.  Jesus taught us how to rise above all stress.

In the Book of Acts, Peter is called to the bedside of a woman who has died.  Her name was Tabitha but people called her Dorcas and she was something else.  Wealthy and powerful, she was well-respected in the early church and had been instrumental in helping the poor.  At her deathbed were widows who were dressed in clothes that Dorcas had made for them.  She was a generous, devout woman who believed in Jesus.

Peter is called to her bedside and Dorcas is already dead.  Peter speaks to her body and says the same words that Jesus used when he raised the daughter of Jairus from the dead. He says her name, “Tabitha, get up.” Or literally, “Tabitha, arise.”  And she opens her eyes and gets up.

It was Peter’s voice speaking in the same way that Jesus did.  Tabitha just obeys his voice and her obedience carries her from death to life.  If obedience to the voice of the Good Shepherd can carry her over the threshold of death, surely it can help us with stress?

In Peter’s words, Tabitha heard the voice of Jesus. Jesus says that he is the Good Shepherd.  His sheep hear his voice and he knows them and they follow him. 

The Good Shepherd gives us the key to release us from all stress.  Obedience.  Listen and Follow.  That is all.  It is so simple.  Listen to the voice of the Good Shepherd and you will overcome everything.  You will not suffer under stress, you will rise above it.  Sure, the world will continue to be chaotic and full of challenge and injustice, but you will be able to arise above the fray and follow Christ with peace in your heart.

So how do we do this?  How can we listen and follow the voice of the Good Shepherd?  Most of us think that this means some major alteration of our lives immediately and this thought scares us and makes us hide from God.  But I have found that most often the Good Shepherd speaks gently and in the very moment.  The Good Shepherd prompts.  The Good Shepherd nudges.  The voice of the Good Shepherd operates in each moment, simply reminding us of what is right and true and good.

Think with me about how a shepherd operates.  I know that most of you have never actually seen a shepherd but they are all over the Sea of Galilee today just as they were in Jesus’ time.  They mostly nudge in the moment. No, don’t head that direction, they poke with their staff, they redirect.  And the whole point is to keep the sheep safe, right?  God does not want you to walk off a cliff.  God wants to take care of you and lead you to the fullness of who you are.  The Shepherd does not ask the sheep to run a marathon or cook a five course meal.  The Shepherd wants the sheep to be themselves and to be safe.

In order to combat stress, begin to invite God into the everyday aspects of your life, into the small stuff, into each and every decision that you make.  Ask God, “Should I go to the grocery store?  Should I rest?  Should I write that letter now?” I know it feels petty, but obedience begins with the moment to moment, with the small stuff.  And you may not always be clear on the way that God would want you to go, but the very fact that you asked will lift you above your stress.  You do not need to begin by asking monumental questions about the direction of your life.  Instead simply begin with the moment to moment decisions that need to be made.

God nudges and prompts.  God operates in the fruits of the Spirit that Paul so beautifully articulated: in patience, kindness, joy, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  If you are operating in these ways, you are walking with the Good Shepherd. If you find yourself short-tempered and frustrated, you have gotten lost.  When you are able to yell at a loved one or do something stupid, often there is that small nudge, that inner voice that tell you to slow down, to stop talking, to pause.  Just do what it says.  Follow the Good Shepherd one step at a time, one moment at a time.

My sheep hear my voice, Jesus says. Let every decision that you make be made with God and for God.  Ask God every time you can, consult God, speak to God. God will lead you in the small stuff that can one day amount to the big stuff.  After all, sheep don’t operate with long-range plans.  They need to be nudged every moment.

Ignatius of Loyola was born in 1491. He was a ladies man and a great soldier but in battle he was wounded in the leg.  He had to lie in bed at his brothers house for months and the only books that his brother had were religious books.  He felt a nudge to read the religious books.  And he was captivated.  Ignatius began to imagine himself saving people in battle or winning the heart of a beautiful woman. But soon he felt the nudge to imagine serving God and when he imagined this, he felt this peace.  So he would pick up another book and another. The peace came with each small decision that he allowed God to make for him and with him.  Eventually, he would found the order of the Jesuits.  All from following the nudge to pick up a book.

What is stress? It is fear disguised.  It is the feeling that you don’t deserve what you have to do or that you are overburdened.  But all that you have to do is give it all over to God. It is God who made you. Your life belongs to God.  Get up, says the Good Shepherd. I will live in you and you need not be afraid. I will lead you through every little moment of every day if you would only follow me.  Let it be my life living in you and you will in turn find peace.

Who would have known that the antidote to stress is obedience?  Who knew?

Living Spirit, Living Word

Last Sunday, one of our parishioner asked me a question that stumped me. It happens a lot that I can’t answer your questions.  You guys are smart.  At the end of Basic A, our class for new members or refreshers, I often let the class ask whatever they want.  I end up saying I don’t know a lot…

So the question was this: why does Passover fall so far away from Easter this year?  And I couldn’t answer.  Usually, the two are very close together, in fact, the Last Supper is a Passover meal in John’s gospel.  Easter is a lunar date, the Sunday following the full moon after the spring equinox. If you are me and you are not so good at calculating equinox dates there is chart of Easter dates in the back of the Prayer Book lasting until 2030 or so.

So, I went to the Internet.  Turns out that the Jewish lunar calendar inserts a whole extra month every two or three years to get itself back in sync with the solar calendar and the seasons of the year.  And since Easter fell early this year, the two ended up very far apart.  Who knew?

I have wondered for years about Peter’s wife.  She would have been a good Jewish wife.  We know that Peter had a wife because Jesus heals his mother-in-law of a fever.  Does Peter’s wife die?  If not, Peter is a rather bad husband.  He takes off on a walking tour with Jesus for about three years leaving his wife to fend for herself and then he travels more after the resurrection.  Peter goes from being a simple Jewish fisherman to being a bishop in the church.  Talk about an adjustment.  Where was his poor wife in all this? Was she OK with the changes?

Peter was a devout Jew.  He followed all the kosher laws and dietary restrictions.  His wife would have cooked in such a way as to never mix meat and dairy.  They would have only eaten the meat of animals with cloven hoofs who chewed their cuds, like cows and sheep and lamb.  Pig were off limits for sure.  And not birds of prey, only chicken and turkey and ducks and geese.  All the animals would have to be slaughtered in just the right way so as not to cause the animal any pain.  It all made good sense and Peter would have known no other way to eat.  It was more than a diet, it was a way of life, a way of being obedient to God.

But once Jesus rose from the dead, things began to really change.  Jesus sent down this presence of God called the Holy Spirit, a presence that not only lived in and among the disciples, inspiring and motivating them, but a presence that communicated to them, leading them and guiding them.  With the Holy Spirit, all bets were off.  Things changed fast and furiously.  Everything changed.  And everything is still changing today.

Peter was busy telling the Jews about Jesus when the Holy Spirit gave him a vision. All this food that he had never been allowed to eat, it all came down from the sky in a big sheet and God told him that he could eat it.  All the dietary laws that his wife and he had spent so many years following, all went out the window with that vision.  It must have seemed crazy. But, as Peter later explained to those who asked him, “Who am I to hinder God?”

The coming of the Holy Spirit made the followers of Jesus into a new kind of religion.  No longer were they Jews who followed Jesus, they became a new kind of disciple.  The rules all changed.  The relationship with God began to trump the rules. They went from strict obedience to law to a living, breathing relationship with God.  No wonder Jesus breathed on them when he gave them the Holy Spirit.  They became living members of a living relationship. 

I drive through Dunkin Donuts on the way to church early on Sunday mornings.  A number of months ago, I felt a nudge from God to ask the sleepy young woman at the drive through window if she needed me to pray.  She did.  Ever since then, I have offered prays to whoever is working that window.  I have prayed for everything from weight-loss to healing a sick child to making more money.  And every single Sunday, I feel awkward.  I am an Episcopalian!  Who am I to offer spontaneous prayer? Why did God ask me to do this?

That’s the really scary part of what happened to Peter.  God was basically saying, I can change the rules.  Heck, I made the rules!  Just listen to me and I will take you step by step, day by day.  But you can’t just assume you know what I am asking of you.  You must be in a living relationship with me. And I may surprise you by what I ask.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like surprises. If God asked me to leave my family and follow Christ, I’d probably rent a UHaul and bring them along.  If God asked me to eat different food, well, that would not be such a stretch. But if God asked me to heal someone, well, I might pretend that I didn’t hear.

I think sometimes that we are limited not by the power that God gives us but by the fear we have of moving beyond our limitations.  We say to God, No, I can’t do that.  No I can’t do that.  But it is God who gives us the ability.  It is God who makes the rules and who breathes into us the breath of life.  Don’t you think that God knows what you are capable of?  The only reason we lead small lives is because we are limiting our own potential.  But, as Peter said, who are we to hinder God?

In the beautiful movie, Mr. Magoriams Magical Emporium, Mr. Magorium runs a magical toy store. It is time for him to die and give his store to a young woman named Molly Mahone.  But there is only one problem, Molly does not believe in herself.  So Mr. Magorium, on the night before he dies, says something profound to Molly.  He says…Your life is an occasion, rise to it.

Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.

Listen to the living God.  If you are worried about what God may ask of you, there is really only one guiding factor.  Love.  Whatever God asks of you, it will be love.  You will be asked to love.

Now, go forth and listen for that living spirit.

God Calls Bums

He was killing people in the name of God. He stood by and watched as a man was hit over and over again with rocks.  He smiled as the air left the man’s body, bruises becoming bloodied.  He looked on and he smiled.  He really believed that it was right to kill for God.  He just stood by and watched as a man died.

Saul wasn’t just wrong, he was cruel.  He was arrogant. He felt no compassion.  He was a bad guy before God turned him around.  I don’t think that he was the kind of guy you or I would have liked.  He was like a hitman for Judaism.  Kill the people who believe in Jesus, that was his conviction.  He believed that he should murder people because they didn’t believe the right way.

Saul was so arrogant that the first thing Jesus does is blind him with light.  Blind him.  Let him go about completely unable to see.  Make his dependent, humble, lost.  When he realizes that he can see nothing without God, then restores his sight, but only after he listens and does exactly what God tells him to do.  God knocks him off his horse, blinds him, gets him to listen, obey and finally heals him again.  God takes an arrogant, self-assured jerk and makes him into a humble servant.

Most of us think we can’t do much for God.  Heck, we can hardly get our own lives together.  It’s hard enough to raise our kids or pay our mortgage or stay married.  How can we do anything for God?  God will have to wait until we can get our lives together.  After all, who are we to try to help other people when our own lives are such a mess, right?

But God doesn’t wait for you to get your act together.  God doesn’t wait for you to become wise or smart or peaceful or less confused. God wants you to serve now, before you figure it all out.  God just wants you to listen and do what you are asked to do.

If you wait until your life is all put together well before serving God, you will never serve God.  No, God calls people whose lives are a mess to serve other people whose lives are a mess.  God does not wait for you to be all fine before you must follow Christ.

In fact, before Saul begins to serve Christ, he is blinded.  He realizes that he can’t see clearly, can’t see anything at all.  Certainty is taken away from him completely.  The first criteria for Saul to become Paul is for Saul to get totally lost in the darkness.

You might ask yourself, how can I serve God when I have doubts?  Or how can I help other people when my life is not very well put together?  How can I help the poor when I barely have enough money myself?  How can I counsel people when I can’t stop fighting? How can I help others find God when sometimes I don’t know how to talk to God myself?

I remember this beautiful scene in the movie Beaches.  Bette Midler plays this middle-aged singer/actress named CiCi whose best friend has died.  Her best friend left a six year old daughter and asked that CiCi adopt her little girl.  After reading the will, CiCi comes to the bedroom of the little girl to tell her that she is going to become the girls new mom.

“Your mother said that she would like for you to come and live with me,” she says to the little girl. “And honestly, I don’t know what she was thinking. I can be incredibly selfish, I am a slob. Sometimes I have mean thoughts…honestly, I don’t know what she was thinking?”

The little girl looks up at Cici, shocked by her honesty, and says, “But do you want me?”

“Of course I want you!” CiCi says.  “More than anything!  But I just can’t imagine what your mother was thinking…I am not a good enough person to be your new mom.”

The little girl moves over to the middle-aged woman and begins to snuggle with her, comforted by the woman’s agonizing honesty.  And the little girl asks, “Can I bring my cat?”

“You can bring any old thing you want…” 

Jesus is going to ask you to serve the world for him.  My people are hurting, he will say to you.  And you, no doubt, will say, “But God, you can’t possibly want to use me? I am such a wreck. Don’t you want to find someone better?  Someone who can balance their checkbook?  Someone who has more patience? Someone who can do it better?”

And Christ will say, “No.  I chose you.  I chose you will all your foibles and faults. In fact, I may even use your foilbles and faults if you are humble enough to be honest about them.  I will use your mistakes, your arrogance, even your failure.  That is the stuff I work with.

I will ask you to follow me as I asked Paul, as I asked Peter, as I asked Abraham and Jacob and Esther.  I won’t wait for you to be brave or to get your act together.  I don’t have time for that.  My world is broken.  I need you to follow me now.

There is only one question that I will ask of you.  It is the very same question that I asked of Peter. It is this…

Do you love me?

If you do, then do not think of yourself.  Do not think of your gifts and abilities, the things you have done wrong.  Stop looking at yourself and look to me, says the Risen Christ.  Look to me.

Do you love me?  IF you do, then your way forward is clear.  Feed my lambs.

If you love me, then take care of my little ones. All who come to you for help and assistance, serve them, love them, help them.  And in the midst of your service, I will transform your life and fill you with joy. You will become my disciple, like Peter, like Paul. You will become great.  Because of me.

The Simple Message of Resurrection

When I was a little girl, as far back as I can remember, I was scared to sleep away from my parents.  Maybe it was because my dad was suffering from severe clinical depression and sometimes could not get out of bed in the morning.  Maybe it was because I felt that my mother needed my help.  There could be all kinds of psychological explanations but I did not know why and I did not really care.  All I knew was that when I went to bed at a friend’s house, I felt so afraid.

My friend Heidi lived just down a country drive from the place where we would stay in the summer.  She wanted so desperately for me to sleep over.  After days of her pleading and coaxing, I was convinced I could do it this time.  After all, I practically lived at her house anyway! I was about six-years-old.  We lay down to sleep in Heidi’s bedroom and Heidi fell asleep quickly.

Then I thought about it…there I was, in a dark room, alone.  And with that thought came the feeling…this feeling of total emptiness, of a darkness beyond my comprehension, a darkness that might swallow me.  I felt that I was the only person awake in the whole universe.  I was being cut off from the entire world.  I was totally and inconceivably alone.  It was a kind of primal terror that I can’t even put into words to this day.

Heidi’s bedroom was on the first floor. So I pried open the window and climbed out of Heidi’s small house.  I walked home in my bare feet and my nightgown.  I remember looking at my feet as I tiptoed in the dark that night. I was a failure.  I was afraid of being alone.

Mary was born in the town of Magdala, a prosperous town on the shore of the Sea of Galilee.  She too was a little girl who had to learn to be alone sometimes but something happened to Mary.  Something really hard.  We don’t know what it was.  Maybe a relative of hers started hurting her in secret.  Maybe she just started fainting and writhing on the ground for no reason at all.  Maybe she saw something horrible that scared her and made her talk to herself.  But as Mary grew into a woman, she became different, very different.

Luke the writer of the gospel says that Mary had seven demons.  Mary did seven strange and unexplainable things, things that she could not help doing.  These demons could have been diseases like turrets, epilepsy or Parkinson’s.  Maybe it was schizophrenia or maybe she cut herself.  We don’t know what Mary was doing specifically but there were seven different things.  Seven ways in which she did not act like a normal person.  Mary had seven strange behaviors. And for these seven reasons, Mary would have found herself alone, totally and completely alone.

No one thought it was your fault if you had a demon.  It was the demon that was bad, not the person it possessed.  But nevertheless, in Jesus’ time, people were scared of those who acted differently.  People were scared of those who had demons.  And so they were often left alone, totally alone.

This is really still true today.  We see it here on the streets of downtown Jacksonville. Candy, who sometimes yells and talks to her hand, Denise, whose legs are so swollen but does not want to come inside and writes long Bible studies for me that make no sense.  We still have people who act strangely today, people who scare us and who we leave alone because we don’t know what to do with them.  But Jesus wasn’t afraid and Jesus did not leave them alone.  And he still doesn’t, even today.  If you want to catch a glimpse of Christ, to feel closer to God, come downtown to be with the homeless. I believe you can see Christ best among the poor.

Mary Magdalene was a possessed woman and she was cut off. Her family would have had nothing to do with her.  Demoniacs were often homeless or forced to wander around in graveyards or on the outskirts of villages. Did Mary get scared at night too? When she was sleeping outside alone?  Did she feel lonely too?

When Jesus came, Mary was healed.  He simply made it better in a way that only God can do.  Her demons were gone. I cannot imagine her joy when she realized that all her illnesses, all her tormentors, all the strange and scary things that ruled over her body and mind were gone.  She was so glad that she followed Jesus everywhere.  Mary Magdalene did not let Jesus out of her sight. With him, she was not alone.  With him, she found a home.

And then the nightmare came back.  For reasons that she could not understand, the Roman authorities arrested Jesus, beat him and killed him.  Mary, refusing to leave his side, stood at the foot of the cross and watched as the life drained out of his body.  Jesus left her there, standing on top of that horrible hill.  She was cut off again. She was alone. The darkness and the fear must have come back then in full force.  Once more, she was alone.  I can just hear the voices in her head saying, “See! It did not last!  You do not deserve love! In the end, you will always be alone!”

In her desperation, Mary followed his body as they laid it in the tomb of Joseph of Arimathea.  She watched as they rolled the giant stone in front of the tomb.  And then she waited.

In the morning of the first day of the week, Mary walked to the tomb while it was still dark because she couldn’t stand being alone. She couldn’t stand being cut off. At least she could be near his dead body.  At least she could be near his body.  She walked in the darkness to find the only home she had ever had.  Even if all that remained of Jesus was his body, it was all she had.

When she saw that the stone was rolled away, she was again afraid.  Aren’t we always afraid when things turn out differently than we thought?  Mary was crying by the tomb when Jesus appeared to her and she felt so lonely, so cut off that she didn’t even recognize him until he said her name. 

Mary.

For years, I studied the resurrection. It is about eternal life, I thought.  It is about life after death.  It is about things beyond our comprehension, about heaven and yes, it is about all these things but there is something more, something much simpler that God was trying to tell us when Jesus came back to us.  God was telling us something so simple that I almost didn’t see it until now. For years, I just overlooked the most simple and profound message of all.

More than anything else, we human beings are afraid of being left alone.  We are afraid of being cut off, being alone in the universe, being the only one left in the darkness.  That is the essence and heart of our fear.  We are afraid of dying yes, but really what we are afraid of is being left alone in the darkness.  We are afraid of nothingness. All of us will climb out windows and walk through darkness just to find a way back home so that we are not alone.

When Jesus returned, he was telling us something profound about the nature of God.  And it is this.

God does not leave.  It is not part of God’s nature.  God will not leave us, no matter what we do.

Even if we kill God, God will not leave.  God will return.  God will rise.

God will allow us to leave Him, yes, it is true that we can turn our backs on God.  But God’s nature is never to leave us.  Never.  God will always return and God will always come back.

There is nothing to be afraid of now, little children, Jesus says to us. You cannot get rid of me.  You cannot kill me or destroy me.  Nothing you can do will make me leave you.  Nothing can separate you from the love of Christ.  Nothing.

I will always return. I will always rise.