Mercy

When I was seventeen years old, I took the train to my godfather’s house.  He lived just up the Hudson River from New York City.  He was a deeply religious man, a Russian Orthodox Christian.  He had a PhD in world religions.  I admired him a lot.  He promised to teach me how to pray.

As part of his studies, my godfather had taken a long retreat and lived with some Greek Orthodox monks on Mt Athos.  I don’t know how long he stayed with them but from them, he learned a prayer that he wanted to give to me.  I don’t remember the specific moment when he taught me the words. They are in Greek.  But I remember that he told me to repeat them all the time, whenever I could think of it.  “Eventually it will become like a wheel that turns on its own, the words, they will almost pray themselves,” he said. These are the words that he taught me,

            Kyrie, Jesu Christe, Eleison Me

These words come directly from a parable that Jesus used to explain about God’s mercy. In the parable, a Pharisee and a tax collector go to the temple to pray. The Pharisee is confident in his devotional practices.  He fasts, he gives alms, he prays.  So he basically tells God that he is thankful that he is so great!  He stands proud and confident before God, certain of his salvation.

The tax collector, on the other hand, stands at the back of the temple.  He knew that he had been betraying his fellow Jews by collecting taxes for Rome.  Some tax collectors were known for taking some of the money for themselves as well. This tax collector was keenly aware of his mistakes and he stood in the back of the temple and asked God for mercy.  He said, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”  It was his prayer that was heard by God.

By the third century, the words of the tax collector would be used by Christians to pray what they called The Jesus Prayer. The Jesus Prayer is said to purify the heart and draw the mind to God. 

I remember taking the train home and repeating the prayer in my mind… Kyrie Jesu Christe Eleison Me.

I trusted my godfather but, to be honest, I was uncomfortable with the Jesus Prayer.  Why did I have to ask for mercy?  What had I done wrong?  I was a young woman struggling to find God.  Was I really so bad that I had to beg God for mercy every chance that I got?  I was grateful that the words were in Greek because they made me so uncomfortable.  I kept saying them because I loved and respected my godfather but I had no clue what they really meant.

It took me years to begin to understand what it means to ask God for mercy. I still don’t fully understand but I would like to share with you what has come to me.

You see, when I was young, I was just being a normal American. Americans begin with the idea that we are good and capable. We believe that we can make our lives into what we want.  We can earn money, learn subjects, get food when we need it.  We are self-sufficient and we have a confidence that is one of our best qualities in many ways.  It makes us a great nation.  But it is also a lie.

We believe that we can survive on our own, make our lives better, change our destinies.  And we do have capabilities and intelligence and even wealth.  But the truth is that we cannot do anything without God. The truth is that we are incomplete without God.

We think that asking for God’s mercy means that we have done something wrong, that we are bad.  We think that when we say I am a sinner, we are saying I am a jerk or I am bad or stupid.  But that is not it at all.  The bad things that the tax collector did served to open his eyes to the fact that he needed God.  He became aware that he was incomplete.  The Pharisee had led a life of obedience to God but as a result, he was not aware of his helplessness.  He thought that he would come to God out of his own effort, that he did it, that he basically saved himself.  And he was proud of himself for doing everything right meanwhile, he did not understand what it means to be human. The Pharisee did not understand about the mercy of God because he didn’t really think that he needed God.

There is a gap, a hole in every human being.  There is a piece that is missing and that is why we are so hungry for love, for acceptance, to be respected.  We are searching for that one thing that will make us complete. Some people think that it is romantic love or money or power but none of these things fill the emptiness.  We have a part of us that only God can fill, a hole, an emptiness that can be filled only by our Maker.

Asking for mercy is nothing more than asking for God to fill in the gaps.  But in order to be comfortable asking for God’s mercy, you need to be willing to admit that you have something missing, that you are not perfect.  You need to be aware of your faults, shortcomings and of the fact that only God can help you. That is why Jesus tells us that the poor are blessed, or people who are grieving.  I would add that the very old often are blessed, or the sick.  The reason why these challenges are blessings is because they serve to wake us up to the fact that we need God’s help.

Some of the most devout church goers are alcoholics.  Do you know why?  Alcoholics who have struggled to attain sobriety are aware that they need God. It is not a matter of convenience, whether or not they come to church, they know that they have to come. Because God keeps them well.  They know that they have to attend AA meetings and they have to give generously to the church.  It is necessary for their health and salvation.

God gives us mercy and what is mercy like?  I have come to realize that mercy is like air.  We cannot really live without it.  Mercy is God’s love and favor that is given to us not because we earn it or deserve it but because God adores us.  Mercy is something that keeps us alive and well.  Mercy fills in our gaps. It completes us.

Maybe it takes growing older to begin to understand that my body will not always work right no matter what I eat and how much I exercise.  Maybe it takes living with another human being in marriage to realize that I have faults that will never really go away, no matter how hard I try.  I need JD to sometimes just accept me, faults and all.  And I need God to accept me to, just as I am.  I need God’s mercy.

Maybe the best translation today for the Jesus Prayer is simply this… “Lord, I need your help.” Or perhaps these words, “Lord Jesus, complete me.”

Don’t you need God’s help with almost everything?  God gives us air to breathe, water to drink, friendship, work, food clothing.  Without God’s help, I could not walk or talk or even breathe.  God, I need your help. Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.  Jesus, you complete me.

Jesus had to hang powerless on a cross in order to become the one who rose from the dead.  You and I must admit our powerlessness.  We must admit that we can do nothing without God.  The word humility comes from the same root as the word for human.  Humility is simply realizing that you are human and God is God.  Mercy is a gift to us from the one who has everything, the One who holds eternity, the One who breathes life into us.  There but for the grace of God go I.

Kyrie Jesu Christe Eleison Me.