I had to say goodbye to St. James Church yesterday. After seven wonderful years, I found myself in tears. It was hard to hold myself together as I looked into the faces of so many beautiful people. I will truly miss this great church.
The Scripture readings seemed to be all about letting go. Job had everything taken from him and was miserable and angry at God. The Psalmist wondered if God had abandoned him. And in the gospel, a man approaches Jesus and falls down on his knees.
"What can I do to get into heaven?" he asks.
Jesus tells him to obey the commandments and the man explains that he has done all that since his youth. Jesus looks at the man and loves him.
When God looks at you and loves you, you often are asked to do more. And sure enough, Jesus pays the man the highest compliment. He invites the man to come with him. "Go," he says, "Sell everything that you own, give the money to the poor and come, follow me."
This was such an honor. Whole crowds tried to follow Jesus and he would slip away. He only asked his disciples to follow him. This was the greatest opportunity that would ever occur to this man, the greatest treasure he could ever be offered. But he said no.
This man, the rich man we now call him, was unable to leave his stuff. He was so comfortable that he couldn't disturb that comfort, not even for the Son of God. And so he left grieving. And he ended up the poorest of all, for he let Jesus pass him by.
It is so hard, how God has created us. Over and over again in this life, we are asked to say goodbye. God seems to be teaching us that we cannot hold on to anything that is of this world. The more we try to hold on to our stuff or to each other, the more miserable we become. There is a world of difference between love and attachment, but many of us never really learn the difference.
I wonder sometimes if the greatest obstacle in the spiritual life is not sin at all but just our own comfort. We will do almost anything to have things stay the same.
This past Saturday, I went to the fiftieth reunion of one of my parishioners. I sat at a table with these older folks and one of them gave me a pearl of wisdom. "Kate," he said, "It's funny to witness how we change over the years. At our 10 year reunion, we all pose and compete. We compair our jobs, we try to show off how great we look, how we haven't gained a pound since high school. Then by our 20th, we all compair kids, but we may let down our gaurds a bit to admit that married life is harder than we thought, or that we are not always sure how to be good parents. By the 50th reunion, everything has changed. We have had to let go of so much. So many of our classmates have died. We don't care who is doing what or who has made the most money. All we care about is the fact that we are here together. We laugh and cry. We tell stories. We enjoy one another, because we can no longer hold on. As hard as it has been to let go, we are wiser. We know how to truly live. "
It is so hard to say goodbye to this parish, but I know that God has great things in store for them and for me. Look at how the disciples improved after Jesus left. They were such bumblers while he was with them. They didn't want him to go, but then they became everything that God called them to be once he was gone.
I take these beautiful people with me for I have truly seen Jesus here in Kansas. And I know that God will bless all of us as we say goodbye.
